Veritas
by A True Hufflepuff
Summary: Remus feels insecure about the state of their relationship, Sirius reassures him. Oneshot, RemusSirius slash. Can be seen as a prequel to The Marauders' Last Prank. Rated T for bad language.


**Disclaimer: **I had a lovely dream the other night. I was curvy and blonde and forty-two, and I had a husband and three kids and a dog and spent my time writing about a boy wizard with a peculiar-shaped scar. Then I woke up.

**Author's Notes: **Ok, first of all, I would just like to say… how friggin' DIFFICULT is it writing a second-person fic about two members of the same gender? All those "he"s and "him"s flying about the place, _I_ don't even know which one they're referring to most of the time! As a result, I have probably overused the boys' names, for which I apologise. But trust me, it's less confusing that way.

Now, a note on the story: this started off as an original fic, about two original characters. It was set on a train and written in the first person, and while I have combed this fic repeatedly to weed out any "I"s or references to windows, it's possible a few got past me. If so, PLEASE let me know, and I will correct them! This can be seen as a prequel to "The Marauders' Last Prank", and I have infact snuck in a reference that would make it seem so… extra brownie point for those who spot it! And please notice how I made the point that Remus is bisexual, not homosexual, and that this fic therefore can technically be considered canon-compliant… Oh yeah. I'm clever. :D

Lastly, I would just like to heartfeltedly (look at that, I just invented a word) thank everyone who has reviewed my first story, I am so so grateful. Please keep up the good work and review this one too! And now, after quite possibly the longest author's notes EVER… on with the fic!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"_Truth is like the sun. You can shut it out for a time, but it ain't goin' away." _

_- Elvis Presley _

"_Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within." _

_- James Arthur Baldwin_

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This time, it was two Hufflepuff fifth-years. Pretty, Remus supposed; possessing impressive cleavage, certainly. They were sitting a few yards away, ostensibly chatting, except that every few seconds one or other or both of them would turn their faces towards Sirius.

He wasn't oblivious to their stares and giggles and- let's face it- impressive cleavage; he never was. But he was trying his best to pretend he was, tapping his right foot against Remus' knee in time with some tune in his head as he read aloud to him from the Daily Prophet. In fact, anyone who didn't know Sirius as well as Remus did would be forgiven for thinking he really _hadn't_ noticed the attention he was getting. But Remus, clearly, did know Sirius pretty damn well, and he could hear the strain in his voice which came from trying to ignore the blatant attraction coming from just a couple of feet away.

Remus wouldn't have minded so much, except… it happened _all the time_. Lessons, mealtimes, corridors, Gryffindor common room, Hogsmeade. Male, female. Young, old. Strangers and friends. Sirius got attention wherever he went. Remus couldn't blame people (apart from anything, it would have been a tad hypocritical)- Sirius had that tall, toned-but-not-too-muscly physique which just about everyone finds desirable, and a face that was the very pinnacle of masculine beauty. And boy, was Remus _not_ the only one who though so.

They never looked at him, of course. Not that Remus was hideous- a few inches shorter than Sirius, a bit skinnier (some would say scrawny), and a lot paler. Quite a pretty face, although often blemished with scratches, a fact unfathomable to most people. However, Remus lacked the sex appeal that Sirius had in large quantities, and coupled with the fact that he spent most of his time with Sirius, it was never him who was the object of lust- the eye was naturally drawn to Sirius, and that was where it remained.

Remus supposed there are two ways that it made him jealous: he often idly thought that it would have been nice to have got some attention himself, some people gazing at him in lust for a change. But the larger part of the jealousy was not of Sirius; instead it stemmed from the fact that it was _his_ very attractive and flirtatious boyfriend, who could essentially have anyone he wanted, who was constantly having attractive and very willing "anyones" throw themselves directly into his line of vision. Can't blame a guy for occasionally feeling a bit… miffed.

Especially when those throwing themselves were female, and busty ones at that- how the _hell_ was Remus supposed to compete with _that_?

"Excuse me." Remus turned his head so fast he just about got whiplash; Sirius played it cooler and turned at a pace that did not put him at risk of living out his days in a neck-brace. It was the blonde who'd spoken; her redhead friend was now red all over, looking at the blonde as if astonished at her brazenness. Remus wasn't; Sirius had that effect on people.

"Yes?" Sirius enquired politely, his foot frozen in mid-air the only sign that this was a potentially tricky situation.

"I was just wondering… ifyouwantedtocometoHogsmeadewithme?" She was going red too now, quite startlingly, and Remus felt rather sorry for her.

Sirius gave her a winning smile- he never could resist a flirt; Remus had seen him flirt with Professors, with ghosts, even once with Peeves. He just couldn't turn off the charm. "Oh I _am_ sorry, believe me, but I think my boyfriend here might take issue with that."

Now it was Remus' turn to go red. Very red.

Three whole months they'd been together, and until then Remus had managed to miraculously avoid anyone other than James and Peter and Nearly-Headless Nick knowing (stupid ghost, with the soundless gliding into _private_ corridors). Apparently that golden age was about to end.

"Oh!" The blonde looked at a loss for words. And embarrassed. Remus knew how she felt, on both counts, only several times over. She flicked her eyes towards him briefly, and it was obvious what she was thinking: _But he could do so much better!_ He wondered how many other people thought that about Sirius and him. "I'm sorry, I didn't-"

"No reason why you should!" He said with a grin. "We're trying to keep to ourselves you see, so if you wouldn't mind keeping it to yourselves… much appreciated…" And he winked at the pair. Blondie nodded, looking mortified until one of her classmates called for her and her friend to "Come and see what the giant squid is doing!" when she switched to relieved. She and her friend bustled off, turning to each other to talk the moment they were out of earshot, and then… silence. The boys were alone.

Remus could tell Sirius was trying to catch his eye, most likely to smile and roll his eyes, as was his wont when situations like this occurred. Usually, Remus would meet his eye and then smile and roll his eyes back, and then they would act as if nothing had happened. But this time, Remus wasn't in the mood. He actually felt quite sick. That was the first time anyone had ever publicly acknowledged his sexuality, and… he didn't like it.

When Sirius realized Remus wasn't going to look at him he glanced towards the lake and said: "Near miss, eh Moony?" Although he could have been referring to the Gryffindor third-year who had just narrowly dodged a tentacle of the Giant Squid, Remus was pretty sure he was in fact referring to what had just happened. Which was stupid, because… how was it a near miss? Was Sirius worried that if Remus hadn't been there the blonde girl would have just launched herself at him? To be fair, he may not have been that far off the mark; Sirius did tend to rouse extreme passions in people.

Remus took a deep breath and collected up all his righteous anger (which was really more like righteous annoyance, to be honest- he was pretty placid, and only got irritable in the days leading up to the full moon). "Sirius, I _told_ you I don't want-"

"It was the best way of getting rid of her without hurting her feelings," Sirius replied flatly, still gazing at the lake. And then: "If it helps, I don't think she's going to run straight off and owl your parents." Touché. "And I asked her not to tell any students, and, let's face it, women have a habit of doing pretty much anything I ask of them." _Not just women_, Remus thought wearily. "And besides," he continued, apparently staring intently at the attempt to rescue the Gryffindor third-year, who had not dodged quite so well the second time, "would it be so bad if she did?"

Oh dear. Not this conversation again.

Remus had explained to Sirius the night they got together, very calmly and rationally, that he did not wish for anyone other than their closest friends to know; even that had taken a bit of persuasion. The fact was, there were a lot of people who would not be ok with their relationship, and while it was all very well for Sirius to say: "Yeah, but sod them!" (as he always did when the subject came up), Sirius was a lot less bothered about what people thought of him than Remus was.

And he had already been disowned by his parents, whereas for Remus that was still a possible future prospect: it had been hard enough for them to accept they had a werewolf for a son; "gay werewolf" would, Remus thought, just about tip them over the edge. Not that he was gay; he liked girls too. But he had a sneaking suspicion that would be a cold comfort to his parents.

"I mean," Sirius continued, taking Remus's silence for encouragement, "people are _bound_ to find out eventually. Even _you_ said _that_." It's true, Remus had said that. Of course, he'd just been trying to shut Sirius up at the time.

"What I said was, we'd tell _some people _when it's-"

"Relevant." They said in unison.

"Right," Sirius continued, "which I presume meant when we were in a proper, lasting relationship?"

"Yeah, but-"

"So why not now?"

There was no good answer to that question. Just… none. That's very rare; in most cases, there is some sort of acceptable, even desirable, lie. But Remus could honestly say that every single response he came up with was either utterly pathetic or utterly infuriating from Sirius's point of view.

They both knew the true reason: Remus was scared. He didn't want his parents, or family, or friends, or the wider public, to know he liked boys, for the same reason that he wanted to prevent most of those people knowing he was a werewolf: in case they treated him differently or decided they didn't like him anymore, and that scared the hell out of him. Wouldn't it anyone?

On the one hand, Remus knew Sirius was right: he knew he didn't want to "live a lie" as the cliché goes; he'd had enough of that with hiding his status as a werewolf. On the other hand, he couldn't help but feel that as he'd hid _that_ from everyone for a fair amount of time, why not try hiding this too? Was telling people really worth the risk?

Was Sirius really worth the risk?

"How long do you see us lasting?" The question was out of Remus's mouth before he had a chance to think it through; if he had he'd have probably thought better of it. Sirius looked surprised, but then not, as if he'd realized it was actually quite a sensible question.

"Ah." He said. "You see, that's one of those questions which is very difficult to answer without first knowing your answer to the same question. Because, you see, if I said… for a very long t-time" (did Sirius just _stutter_? Sirius stuttering was like Professor McGonagall coming up with a prank- it just didn't happen) "and you didn't agree, then… ouch." He swallowed. "Because that _would_ be my answer, y'know."

Silence. Too much silence. And not the comfortable kind. The "dear-god-when-is-somebody-going-to-_speak_" kind of silence. Trouble was, Remus was trying to think something through, and to do that he needed absolute quiet, however painful.

The way he saw it, Sirius had just been very brave. Because he had done that thing which is so impossible for so many people, himself included - he had been honest. Honesty was something Remus was _not_ well known for- he was always too kind, too tactful, or (in the case of his lycanthropy and sexuality) too scared to be completely open with people.

But, he knew that if he owed it to anyone, he owed it to Sirius. Sirius, who on their first night at Hogwarts had seen Remus was lonely and scared and had dragged James over to chat to him; who, on discovering Remus was a werewolf, had given him a brief bear-hug and then gone on to treat him exactly the same; who, after the prank on Severus which could have had disastrous consequences for all involved, spent months doing everything possible trying to get Remus to forgive him.

Sirius, who had kissed him and touched him and made him feel things he's never imagined were possible.

So, he did it. Remus did one of the scariest things he have ever had to do. He was completely honest.

"You see, the thing is… that's the answer I'd like to give. I mean, that's the outcome I want. More… more than I've ever wanted anything." He said that bit very quietly, and looked down; it's a miracle he even got it out at _all_, if he'd tried to say it whilst actually looking at Sirius he thought he'd have probably spontaneously combusted. "But… I'm not sure that… that I really believe that it's going to happen. I'm sort of…" He took a very deep breath. "I think I'm just waiting for you to find a better offer."

There. It was said. The fear that had been dogging him for the past three months, that he'd been too afraid to admit to _himself_, let alone to anybody else, until just now, was finally out in the open.

"_What?_" The look on Sirius's face was pure incredulity.

"Look, I know it sounds a bit pathetic, but… Sirius, _so many people fancy you_. You could have just about _anyone_ you wanted, and yet you're with me, and I know you've stuck to it for a few months now but at some point-"

"_Stuck to it?! _Like you're a fucking _chore_? Or some sort of… project?!"

Remus ignored the interruption. "At some point, you're going to realize that there are so many people out there for you to go out with and that just about all of them are so much more sexy and attractive than I am and…" He bit his lip in an attempt to fight back the hot tears that, to his horror, he could feel welling up.

"Is _that_ what this is about? You don't think you're _attractive_ enough for me?" He managed to make it sound as if Remus had suggested that they join Slytherin house.

Remus took a calming breath to give him a chance to think about his answer. "I am very _aware_," he said, speaking slowly, "that I am a lot less attractive than you are, and that, in general, people tend to be attracted to people of a similar level of attractiveness to themselves." Great, now he sounded like a textbook. "And you shouldn't feel _bad _ about that," He rushed to explain, "I mean, you're constantly having people throw themselves at you, it's amazing you've resisted this long. But it's just the way it is."

The look of incredulity on Sirius's face vanished, and was immediately replaced by a look which, having seen many many times in his relationship with Sirius, he could only describe as 'Moony-you-pillock'. He leaned towards Remus, looking him directly in the eyes. Remus hated when people did that, it was so awkward and embarrassing because he never knew where to look- he generally went for a spot a bit above their left ear. But with Sirius, he couldn't tear his eyes away.

"You," he began, startling Remus with the unusual huskiness and quietness of his voice, "are the single most heart-stoppingly beautiful individual I have ever laid eyes on." (Ironically, this was the moment _Remus's_ heart chose to stop.) "It took me a while to realize this, I'll admit it, but ever since I have I've been constantly trying to find ways of touching you, even if it was just brushing up against you- anything to get that…" he paused again, apparently having difficulty finding the right word. "That physical contact, anything to feel… close to you, I suppose."

He looked surprised at this last bit, as if it hadn't actually occurred to him before. His eyes flicked back to Remus's face, and Remus supposed he must have looked confused (he wasn't. he understood what Sirius meant absolutely perfectly, probably more than he had ever understood anything in his life.) because he rushed to clarify: "It's like… everything about you, every particle of you- oh god, this is going to sound so stupid…" he broke of, flung himself back onto the grass, sat up again, and ran his hands through his hair. Then he took a deep breath and plunged back in. "Every fibre of your being just screams out to me and… connects to something deep inside me, and it just feels so _right_." He took a deep, shuddering breath and let it out again, reminding Remus that he hadn't breathed for nearly a minute now and should probably do something about that. He had just began to draw in breath when Sirius added: "So if you're trying to tell me that you're not _sexy _or _attractive _enough for me, then I say 'Bollocks'. Because that's the most ridiculous and furthest from the truth thing I've ever heard." And with that, he flopped back onto the grass again, seemingly exhausted. And looked at Remus, awaiting his reaction.

His reaction was to breath loudly and unevenly (to be fair, his body was in a bit of an oxygen debt) whilst smiling and saying… absolutely nothing. Remus couldn't help but feel this was a most inconvenient time to lose the gift of speech.

Sirius didn't seem to mind, however. Remus's smile was obviously good enough for him, because the biggest grin stretched across his face, and he glanced over to the lake to give Remus a moment to recollect himself (how did he always _know_?). Remus took some deep, calming breaths, and then, in a move that until just a few moments ago was completely out of character but now was becoming almost commonplace, he said the first thing that came into his head.

"Wow. That was… poetic." He laughed to dispel his embarrassment at this utterly pointless comment.

"Really?" Sirius sound both surprised and amused, probably at Remus's obvious discomfort. "No-one's ever accused me of _that_ before. I'll have to remember that ability, may come in handy sometime." And then, as he turned to look at the lake again, in a slightly far-away sounding voice: "Love does that to you I s'pose."

Before Remus could fully process what he'd just said, the dinner bell rang. Sirius looked up in mild shock, as if he'd completely forgotten the concept of meal-times. "Oh good, I'm hungry," he said, getting to his feet and pulling Remus to his in one smooth, graceful motion.

The boys walked back to the Great Hall. Remus had no idea what Sirius was thinking about, but _he_ was busy trying to commit the entire speech he'd just heard to memory. No one had ever said things like that to him before, and, in the interest of being realistic, he felt pretty sure it wasn't going to become a regular occurrence. Just a feeling he had.

However, whilst he laboured away at this Herculean task (had Sirius really said that Remus connected to something inside him? Because that was really quite romantic. Unless, of course, as is perfectly possible with Sirius, he meant it as a sexual euphemism. But no, he'd sounded quite overcome when he said it… and did he really say Remus was _heart-stoppingly_ beautiful? Was Remus just paraphrasing?), another thought was fighting its way into his brain.

Love.

Sirius had said he loved Remus. Well, more or less. At least, Remus thought that's what he'd meant. He had definitely mentioned love, Remus knew that much for sure. "Love does that to you I s'pose." He must've been talking about love for Remus; love for pranking or Quidditch or his little cousin Nymphadora would hardly have the effect of making him wax lyrical on… well, _Remus_. The question was, had he _meant_ to mention love? Did he even realize he'd done it?

Remus chanced a look at his face- _it_ certainly wasn't giving anything away. Most importantly- had Sirius meant it in the way Remus loved him? Or had he meant it in a platonic way, the way you'd expect in two boys who had been close friends for almost six years, the way Sirius loved James and Peter?

Remus knew he loved Sirius more-than-as-a-friend: he'd known for a long time, perhaps even as early as fourth year, although it had taken a while for him to admit it to himself. But, even when they got together, it had never for a second occurred to him to _tell_ Sirius he loved him. Remus realized now it was because of the fear he'd had, the expectation that before long Sirius would ditch him for someone that commanded as much attention as Sirius himself did. But after what he'd said… Remus was willing to trust him for a change, and believe that he wasn't planning to do that at all. To believe that maybe he wanted this to work just as much as Remus did.

Remus looked at him again, and this time Sirius caught his eye before he could look away. He kept on looking. Remus realized it was the first time in nearly six years of friendship that he'd seen Sirius look apprehensive. Remus gave him a nervous smile. And then he did something he'd never done before, something Sirius had tried to do once and never dared try again- he reached down and entwined their fingers.

He held Sirius's hand. In public.

All right, so there wasn't another living soul around- they had been dawdling so much that the entire rest of the school was now inside the Great Hall eating dinner- but still. Progress.

Sirius looked down at their joined hands, and Remus gave his a squeeze. Sirius broke into a smile and made that noise people do, that little relieved breath that's not quite a laugh but which is as close as they can get at that particular moment. Remus supposed that sound acted as encouragement, because then he did something even more extraordinary.

Right in the middle of the empty grounds, he leaned over and kissed Sirius. Full on snogged him. And although there was a small voice at the back of his head saying _Dear God, I hope no one's watching out of a window right now_, there was another voice, a much bigger, louder voice, saying _Tell him you love him! Go on!_

Sirius broke away for air. "Wow," he said after panting for several seconds. "That was… unlike you. In public I mean." He ran his thumb over Remus's cheek and quirked an eyebrow. "Very brave." Bravery _and_ honesty. In one day. _Quit while you're ahead? _ Said a voice in Remus's head. _Perhaps that would be sensible._

Remus shrugged, and smiled at him. He heard that voice again, this time a little bit louder and sounding oddly like Sirius. _Quit while you're ahead? Never. Fuck sensible._

"Well." He slipped his arm around Sirius's waist and pulled him close, leaning in to whisper in his ear.

"Love does that to you, I s'pose."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Loved it? Despised it? Thought it a fairly inoffensive way to while away ten minutes? Please review and tell me…


End file.
